The Art of Being You Amongst January's Blues

When does the sparkle of a "Happy New Year" start to fade? Join us as we kick things off with a spontaneous debate about the unwritten rules of New Year's greetings and whether January has dibs on all the well-wishing. As we tear away from the calendar's first page, we confront the annual surge to redefine ourselves with resolutions. But here, we take a step back to question this rush for reinvention. You'll hear us break down why it's perfectly acceptable to sidestep the "new year, new you" hype and instead embrace the current version of you, quirks and all.

As the conversation flows, the emphasis shifts to rediscovering the lost art of rest and self-care in an era where the grind never seems to halt. Remember when the world paused on Sundays and half-days midweek? Those times might be behind us, but we share stories and strategies for carving out precious moments of tranquility amid the digital chaos of today. No guests, just real talk and sincere advice on silencing our sternest critic: the voice within. We recount personal tales that reveal the transformative power of acceptance and the subtle strength found in a mindful pause before reacting to life's curveballs. Tune in for an enriching journey through self-reflection and the pursuit of inner peace.

Chapters

• 0:45 Reflections on New Year Resolutions
• 11:49 Importance of Rest and Self-Care
• 24:35 The Power of Acceptance and Self-Reflection

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:45

Happy New Year. Happy New Year. How are you all good friends? Yeah, I hope you've all had a good one. However, you've chosen to do it, love it.

Speaker 1: 0:56

I want to know a question. The minute you know a question? No, that's not the point. Here we go. This is starting well, isn't it? I'm sure I could think of a question.

Speaker 1: 1:06

At what point do you stop saying Happy New Year to people? I don't know when you've said it all to everybody? And what if you don't meet somebody that you know until the end of January? Do you say Happy New Year to them then? Yeah, why not? I don't know. It's a question. That's all I was going to say. Concerned to me, it's not. I don't lose sleep over this question.

Speaker 1: 1:35

I wonder if there is a polite etiquette cut-off point that you should have said. If you want to say it, just say it. Don't notice it. I'm going to try and say it to you If you haven't seen it.

Speaker 1: 1:51

Happy New Year, it's a new year. It's a new year until it ends. This is true, it is. And then it's no longer. Yeah, I love it, but ever and ever. Until the 31st of December, you say to people have a good day.

Speaker 1: 2:11

Why can't you say Happy New Year. Well, I suppose there is no reason, it's just the random shit that goes on in my head. And actually you could move it on, because February the 10th is the Chinese New Year, so you're still in the New Year in February. I know you are, because which New Year are you talking about? This is true. So you're going to go Happy English New Year or Happy. I'm saying that, if you want to go further down, that if you go into, like pagan, like the old New Year, you're not talking till March. There you are then. So that's fine. You're not being specific what New Year you are, new Year you are in, so you can keep saying it, so you can keep on rolling.

Speaker 1: 2:59

Now we've said that out loud. Now that question will no longer bother me the depths of two o'clock in the morning. I've got my head to do better. It's just something, isn't it? That's another programming thing. When do you stop that? Or should I say that? When should I not say that Even Happy New Year is a programming? Jesus, we can't get away from it, no matter how hard you try. Can you Now think about how much we're programmed as we go into the New Year, aren't we? Oh God, what's your resolution? What's your intentions? What you should be doing, what you shouldn't be doing, should be thinking healthy, should be getting the exercise by K.

Speaker 1: 3:46

It's January, it's a load of bollocks, it's exhausting. Well, I don't know how you feel. I've come into this week, this start of this New Year, and I did get pulled into that whole thing that, okay, like during the holidays, I was going to get organised, I was going to get sorted, I was going to start the New Year afresh. Well, that didn't work. I spent all night last week hardly having the energy to do anything. And then I started this week, the New Year, just being really frustrated myself because I didn't tick all the boxes to all those jobs that were on the list and I should be at a certain place, because that's what you're told, and I should have all these resolutions of being more organised and in a certain place. Well, bollocks, but it is. But I completely get that, completely get that. So you have to give yourself good talking to, don't you? Yeah, honestly, I have. Like you say, I've put a video up in the group.

Speaker 1: 4:57

Was it the week in between Christmas and New Year? I'd not shower for four fucking days. Brilliant. I was starting to smell myself, but that's what matters, isn't it? But I so needed to do that. Yeah, do you know what I so needed? Not to leave the house, not to get dressed, not to shower. Do you know what I mean? I just needed to do nothing.

Speaker 1: 5:20

But the only reason we beat ourselves up about that is because we think and that little voice clicks in, doesn't it that we shouldn't be doing that. Yeah, we should be getting organised and decluttering ready for the New Year and getting ourselves sorted and getting all those jobs done so that we start it with a fresh vengeance and with all these resolutions and intentions. Just a little bit of a pun there. Yeah, I do you actually, because what happens then, isn't it? If you do start it like that, you get to the end of January so disillusioned already. Yeah, because you failed Exactly those words. Oh my God, you let that chocolate Failed. You failed already. And I'm not even at the end of January, so let's just beat the shit out of ourselves. Yes, bish, so you just done that vicious circle.

Speaker 1: 6:21

Yeah, getting our heads up, it's okay. Then it's going to make a change. Why have you got away to January the 1st to do it. Yeah, and it's not about. I feel like there's a whole big thing about changing ourselves. Oh, that annoys me, and actually it's not about. No, we're okay how we are. We might need to or want to or choose to change some of the things we do, some of the ways that we do, but we don't need to change who we really are. No, because who we really are is actually okay. Yeah, floors, warts, whatever, exactly, but yeah, but like you say, there's this whole new year, new year, new year, new year. What the fuck? Don't want a new fucking thing. I like that. New year, new year, but it is, isn't it? But again, isn't it? We try and make it the? I think we just try and make it this huge thing when actually it's not.

Speaker 1: 7:28

But if you want to make changes, it's a series of tiny little things throughout the year. Yes, and wouldn't that be so much better for us? Yes, if we just knew that we could do a little bit at a time. We didn't have to start running. We just need to, maybe January, maybe just sit and have that time to think okay, I do want to make some changes. What do I want to make? Yes, where am I going to start. But keep it realistic, yes, for a start, because if it's non-realistic, you're just going to fuck it up anyway. Because it's unrealistic, yeah, and then we just put pressure on ourselves. And then, when we put pressure on ourselves, well, that lovely little voice has an absolute field day because you feed it, that's it, isn't it? You feed it with shit that it's going toit sits up there just throwing back at you. I know you see you set yourself up and it's just mad. We don't need to do that.

Speaker 1: 8:41

No, and when's the accepting ourselves for where we are at this moment? Yes, that's far and much more, far better thing to do. I think, yes, it's been January going. Okay, this is where I am at the moment. Yeah, all right, this is where I'd like to be. And then how do I make those changes? But don't make it all about changing everything in January, and it's not a gradual process. Don't beat yourself up about things that you didn't get done or didn't do in the previous year. Just accept, okay, and then you can sit on the list. I might get around to it this year. It's okay to be where you are. Just learn to be happy where you are. Yeah, except where you are, at this given moment, not where you think you should be or where you have been.

Speaker 1: 9:36

And that's not to say that you can have I don't like the word goals, but goals, dreams, yeah, of course you can, whatever it is. That's not to say you can't have those, but, like you said, small steps. Yeah, be realistic. Make it doable, yeah. When it's doable, you'll do it. Yeah, this is it. When it's not doable, no, I think I want you know.

Speaker 1: 10:03

I'm going to be running a marathon by the end of January. My god, no, never in a million. But seeing that randomly, I thought I'd want to run a marathon. Why? Why the fuck would I want to run a marathon? I hate running. I am not built for running. Why on earth would I want to think I'd punish myself for 26 miles? I have no idea. No, neither do I. I wouldn't want that.

Speaker 1: 10:30

But at some point I thought, oh, do you know what running a marathon would be? No, why have I told myself that it would be? Because it's a goal, because other people do it, Because other people do it, and absolutely brilliant for those people who have to do it and choose to. Amazing, absolutely bloody amazing. You're incredible, yeah, but why do? I think that I want to do it. No, I wouldn't want to do that either. I can't run for toffee Only the good-night. I wouldn't even run for toffee. Toffee was on the end of it. No, not me neither. I might think about it if there was a chocolate bar, but, to be honest, I'd probably give my bath way through. Fuck, yeah, I don't need a chocolate bar. No, it wouldn't be on my list of things to do. No, but isn't it? There's this big like. You know, that's a thing. Right, if running's your thing, amazing, absolutely. But it's not my thing, that's it. Choose your thing, yeah, and it is good to have those things to choose and push yourself towards things and do things, but make sure you choose it's things that really resonate with what you want to do. Yeah, exactly, yeah, we are funny.

Speaker 1: 11:49

There is a lot of programming around this time of year that what we should be doing, how we should be thinking yeah, definitely, or we should be setting in place, which I think needs, because I don't know. Sometimes it feels like, oh, my god, we start this year and it's busy, busy, busy. Oh, I haven't got the energy to be busy. No, we've spoken before. I think, like this time of year is all about hibernation and the real world, because it's cold and people lock down, nature isn't busy out there, nature's like high-freak resting.

Speaker 1: 12:25

Yeah, and unfortunately, I think we are in a world now where we get less rest, because Christmas was like one day, new Year was like one day if you're lucky, yeah, if you're very lucky, and you don't have to work it. So there's no time to just sit and rest. There's no time to sit and be that restful soul with family, without family, whatever, we don't get the time now to take the time out. So we seriously need it more. I definitely think so because, like you say, physically, oh god, here we go, we're going to go half-on. Good, did that go down days again? God, honestly. But that just made me think, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 13:14

If you go back to when we were young, shops didn't open on a Sunday. No, about half-day closing on a Wednesday. Yeah, so you know, most people worked Monday to Friday. You didn't necessarily work at the weekend, but because everything's busy and 24-7, that's not incorporated into anybody's week generally, is it? And even when you finish work, you've still got emails that are accessible, yes, telephones that are accessible wherever you are, which we didn't have, and I'm not saying progress isn't great because it is, though, but it just means that we have to really be thoughtful about getting that rest yes, getting that time out, and we have to make sure that we put that into place, because it's not in place for us like it used to be. No, exactly that. You know, you couldn't go anywhere on a Sunday because there was nowhere to go. I called to do, which.

Speaker 1: 14:16

I can remember thinking hell, I forgot to say, but actually it was a good thing. But now we have to make sure that we make those choices. That's it, isn't it. Like you say, it's structuring that in. So, if you've got two days off during the week, making sure that you do things that are for you or do nothing in those two days, trouble is like you say, isn't it? Or do I generally two days off during the week and feel the shopping, cleaning, all that other shit you don't get round to doing it during the week, but you should feel all right about not doing that. Yeah, you should feel about having a day off and going off and doing something for yourself. Yes, because that will still be there tomorrow. That's it, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 15:08

I've read something the other day that made me think, and now I can't remember. It was along the lines of that it's not that we're tired because we're tired, it's because we almost haven't done enough to re-thought for ourselves. Yeah, I can't remember the quote, but it was along those lines is that we're not tired because we're tired, we're tired because we've not done enough to refuel us, naturally. So, whether that's out for a walk, or out in nature, or meditation, or do you know that? That's why, yeah, yeah, it's so true.

Speaker 1: 15:49

I mean, they say it, you know, with your phone, isn't it? You don't sit and recharge your phone. It dies. Yeah, and we do exactly the same. We need recharging, we need to sit on the side, rest it out for a bit. Yeah, take that time out to recharge ourselves. This is it. And do something that fulfills you. Yeah, not because you think you should. No, and certainly don't do things that you should you think you should do. Yeah, this is it, isn't it? Because there is so much politics out there and what we should do? Yeah, I don't.

Speaker 1: 16:25

But I also don't think that people sometimes know what they want. No, that's very true, very true. So something I found really helpful when I didn't know what I wanted. I wrote down what I didn't want. That's a good idea, because then you can kind of work it out, because it's like almost the opposite of that, isn't it? Because we're all very good at telling us what we don't want and how we don't want to feel. Yeah, that's so true. We all know what we don't want and I don't want to feel like this. So what's the other way actually? So, therefore, I want to feel like yeah, so it's a good way. If you don't know what you want, right, then what you don't want, yeah, that's a really good idea. Let's see if that gets you anywhere.

Speaker 1: 17:13

And I think, if you've really picked it through on what people want, it all boils down to having that time and space and freedom, yes, which actually we can all choose to put in our lives in different ways, in bigger or smaller ways, but in any way it makes a difference. But we all crave for that freedom and sense that we've freedom in our minds. Peace, yeah, I think you're right, isn't it? Yeah, and it's finding a way of creating that within our lives in little ways, yeah, and realising that you can have that without being a bitch. I'm going to go at you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, because that little bitch likes to be on this bike, doesn't it, oh God?

Speaker 1: 18:07

And I think I think that, especially, like you say, this time of year without that programming, isn't it? Yeah, because I think as well, this time of year we've just had that festive period, which is quite stressful, is quite draining, is quite a busy period. There's lots of things that people are doing that they don't necessarily want to be doing, but haven't got those boundaries, so it's a real mixed bag. So I think we start the year exhausted, that's it, isn't it? But except that we're tired and don't then hit the ground running and go, you know what? I'm taking a few days out, and if that means you sit on the couch and you don't get dressed and shower for four days, fricking, brilliant, yeah, but that saves you a bit of credit for that. I think. That, I think is so right, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 19:04

But I think that build up to Christmas and Christmas is so full of programming and sheds and ifs and so stressful how much we should spend, who we should be with, where we should be, what we should be doing, it's, should, should, should. That's it, isn't it? And I think it's so full of that that then, like you say, we automatically take that into the beginning of the year, rather than dumping that and leaving that where it should be in between Christmas and New Year. Yeah, but we don't. We carry that forward and that inner bitch is so ramped up in that time. Yeah, then that's all you can hear Come the 1st of January or the beginning of January, isn't it? And you've had enough before it's even started. What are you saying, nick?

Speaker 1: 19:54

Like I say, you know we can't be doing it already. You know Six of bloody January and we're like no, get off. We can't be asked now Too much. I know we do put a lot of pressure on ourselves and we don't need to. We have to sit down and remember that we can choose, I know, but I think people forget that, don't they? Absolutely, and I don't think people even know that. I don't think they know that.

Speaker 1: 20:20

And then I think you get that, like you say, you get your inner bitch in there harping on and people don't know how to not listen to that. No, and shut that down and ignore it Because they're on an absolute roll. But that's almost like a programming roll, isn't it? Oh God, yeah, you haven't done that and you should be. Yeah, no, just know that all there should be is there are loads of bollocks. Yeah, Don't listen. No, it's just like you say, it's so hard going. Yeah, you've got to just flip it around a bit and you've got the choice to do that. Yeah, do you know what? Should I be doing that? Should I actually be doing that? Dissect it so much faster? I think that's. I think that's, like you say, the fun bit. Yeah, noticing that you're doing it, noticing what that inner bitch is saying.

Speaker 1: 21:14

And then, okay, let's let me you have a bit of a conversation. Is that actually true? No, this is it. Do I? Would I choose to be doing that? No, exactly, so don't. So, yeah, that's the whole point.

Speaker 1: 21:33

And if somebody else gets upset that you don't do it, that's their problem. No, not yours. I can't get over that, can they? What would people think if you don't do that? No, you should be in the gym. What would people think of you because you've put on a few bands? Who gives that? Exactly? But again, isn't it? It's that comes from that place of lack that I'm not good enough if I don't do that. It makes me a bad person if I don't do that.

Speaker 1: 22:03

But just remember, when people make those judgments of you, they're not actually judging you, they're judging themselves. Yes, that's a bit profound, but it is, isn't it? It's true, yeah, and remember, everything comes back to you. So, like you say, in that person, is it? Their projection onto you is how they're feeling about themselves. Yes, yes, that's all it is. So it's not personal to you at all. I know people struggle to take those things personally, but always remember, when people comment on you, judge you or it feels it's personal to you, remember it's not. It's actually personal to them. Yes, and they're judging themselves. Like you said, they reflect it onto you. Yeah, so it's not. It's not nothing to do with you. No, it never has. It's got none of your business what anybody else thinks about you.

Speaker 1: 23:00

I know it's such a lovely feeling where we can just accept ourselves for that. Yeah, that is a lot of freedom in itself, in just accepting Huge, massive, mojusive. Indeed, it is mojusive, it is absolutely huge. Yes, doing that because the freedom and the liberty that gives you to just go. Okay, like you say, you fuck up. Oh, do you know what? I hold my hands up. I did that. Oh well, never mind. Yeah, you know, because we all do it. That's the thing in it. We forget that we're all human, even those people that judge you for those fuck ups yes, fuck up. Oh, they're generally the ones that fuck up a lot more. That's why they judge other people so profoundly. Yeah, because they know they're huge on it. Yeah, they can't accept that, they do it or see it, but, yes, they have to reflect that onto you. But when you go yeah, I did you watch that for us to go, oh, it has no power then. No, it's no power at all. No, I always remember Paul saying bless him that. Paul Coke, yeah, paul Coke. So when we did our stuff with Paul Coke, he said, for that whole accepting, and you know, or somewhere, somebody judges you and says something to you, he always said that he is now at the point where he goes.

Speaker 1: 24:35

If you think that's bad, you wait till I tell you what I did, and it just takes wind out of people's heads. Like you say you're going, oh, that's fucking nothing. Do you know what I mean? I have majorly done this. You want to know what I did here, but I think that's great because you're going, oh, really, yeah, yeah, and you can take that approach with that negative voice in your head. Yeah, when it starts then pumbling yeah, well, you did that before and you know you're going to do it again and go. Yeah, I did do that before. Yeah, but I'm not going to choose to do it again. Yeah, but I might do it again. Yeah, and do you know what? If I do it again? So what? Yeah, and that voice, just it doesn't know what to say there.

Speaker 1: 25:19

No, because you've totally taken its power away. Yeah, it has no power over you when you accept so much things, everything about yourself. Yeah, it's got no power. No, to hold over you. No, and it's such fun. No, you've just got to begin to notice. The noticing is the biggest part. Yeah, I think that's the key.

Speaker 1: 25:45

But there again, it's us learning that pause. We need to pause in life. We also need to pause in our thoughts. Yeah, because our thoughts aren't the problem really, it's how we react to them. Yes, but if we pause with them, yeah, we can just have a whole different outcome, a whole different process with them, definitely, and they haven't got that power over you. Then, no, no, because of them. Not ruling is that you're making the choices. You're making those decisions. Yeah, just have to sit. It's learning to sit with yourself, isn't it your real self? Yeah, people don't want to do that, though, because that's shit scary. I know it's scary and it's hard, but it's simple. It's just getting into that habit.

Speaker 1: 26:30

I think the pause is a whole big way. Before you react, just pause, yeah, because the minute you react in, say, in an angry way or a defensive way or anything, you just give your power away. Yeah, so hold on to it and go. Okay, was that really that bad? Yeah, can I choose how I'm going to react here? Yeah, and choose how you feel about it. You can get angry with yourself, or you could go yeah, okay, I did that, but it is, isn't it? Yeah, I'm a hissy fit about curtains this morning. I'm not hissy with Facebook, fucking curtains, seriously, why? Okay, we've started on the curtain. Tell me the story, right? Okay, so my curtain Rella went up when the curtains went up Because it's a bay window and it's got a pole.

Speaker 1: 27:31

You have to do it a certain way, because obviously, poles don't naturally go around bay windows, do they? And when the curtains were put up, it was like a bit over the thing. So I said so where the corner is at the pole. Yeah, the curtain goes over it. So you can't put the car back fully. You couldn't anyway because of the weight of it it's got. The curtain just went over in. It just looked a bit weird. So I said to John this morning can you change that so that it's fine? So he couldn't do it. He said where I wear he'd put the bracket. It couldn't be done. So I was like right, I was like let's find done with it, it's only a second.

Speaker 1: 28:14

I went into my car this morning and he was putting tie backs in because it making the curtains, making the boom, look quite dark. And he's put the tie back like quite low down. And I got down and I was like they're a bit low. He said I knew you'd hate them. He's like I'll change it. I was like no, that just makes more work. Done it, this is starting to feel.

Speaker 1: 28:39

So I got a really hissy fit of our curtain and he's like I'll change it, it's fine. I was like no, it's fine, don't worry about it. And then he was like I'll change it, it's not fun, it's not about the bloody curtains, is it really? He was like what? Of course it's not about the bloody curtains it's about because I'm really pissed off with myself, but now I'm pissed off at you and the curtains, but it's really not about that. He was just like I, just looked at me, which is fairly standard for him, but it's true, I knew it wasn't about anything to do with something else.

Speaker 1: 29:14

That gradually triggers it's because, like you say that I built up, that I'm frustrated that I haven't got a half might of do this to have done this week. His life, it has taken over. I'm frustrated at myself and I'm frustrated that I didn't say to him that's where I want the tiebacks to go. That's a big thing, isn't it? Because you're frustrated that you actually haven't said yeah, yeah, and that's what I said to him. I said it's about I'm frustrated because I've not said to you that's where I'd like the tiebacks to go, yeah, whereas if you'd rewound yeah, and just go on, do you know what? I haven't done? Half the things I wanted to do, but that's okay, they'll wait, yeah, and they'll get done in time Eventually. It's not.

Speaker 1: 29:58

I was going to say none of it's flipping life, threatening that I haven't done. So you would have accepted that. If it fine, you wouldn't have got niggled. So you might have thought to yourself oh bugger, I didn't tell him what, actually, where. I wanted them, yeah, and you would have accepted that. Okay, yeah, that's my fault, I didn't do that, yeah, but in the end, but it escalates because you're frustrated from the start, which then frustrates you more, yeah, yeah, so I had a hit about fucking curtains.

Speaker 1: 30:25

This is ridiculous. It's stupid. Yes, absolutely stupid. Yeah, I'm with you, john, but it is ridiculous. It's curtains, and I had a hit, but it was like, you see, because I know why I've done that, no, exactly why I did it.

Speaker 1: 30:46

Funny, yeah, and it's like it's ridiculous, but it's all we do all the time, because we don't process properly, we don't accept things, we certainly don't accept what we've done. No, and it's okay. This is it, isn't it? Things don't get done. You see, it's not like any of it was live-threatening, it was. I haven't like posted videos to YouTube. Like the whole world is going to collapse because I've not posted videos to YouTube. Ha, ha, ha ha ha.

Speaker 1: 31:20

That was my list. Ha ha ha ha. Do you know what I mean? The whole world is going to go wrong because I've not done that and I've not done the Facebook page for next week. No, nor have I, nor have I.

Speaker 1: 31:35

I got frustrated with that as well. Ha ha ha ha. It's ridiculous, isn't it? Yeah, it's absolutely ridiculous. It's funny, it's mad. See this, is it?

Speaker 1: 31:49

So if you think that we're sat in here and our eye-wee-towers thinking it, doesn't you now know that I have hissy-fit to over-current and tie back? I've got lots of boxes to click on. Tick on mine to do if yet, which is supposed to be to-done? Ha ha ha ha, it's not to-done, and it won't get to-done this weekend either. No, that's the thing in it. I just think that's why I was like I've got loads to do and I don't know.

Speaker 1: 32:17

I was just thinking, oh, do you know what we do? Tell ourselves some absolute bullshit, don't we? We really do. It's hilarious how we talk to ourselves. You wouldn't talk to other people like it. No, so why do we do it to ourselves? It doesn't know, it's just stupid. We really don't know how to care very well for ourselves. No more programming, yeah, yeah, it's not inbuilt, is it? It's ridiculous, it is.

Speaker 1: 32:49

Yeah, absolutely bloody madness, absolutely mad. We're all mad here. We all are mad, but that's okay, it helps. Seriously, it helps. Oh, yeah, definitely. I think you have to be. Yeah, well, it's not too short not to be, isn't it Lily? Yeah, absolutely, to be honest, right, folks, I'm on that bit of madness. Shall we leave you to it. Go sort your curtains out. It's fine, I'll live with it. It's fine. But don't worry, if you haven't got it done, it ain't gonna be out there, is it? Youtube or any. Facebook is not gonna fall apart because we've not done our posts this week. No, I'm sure they'll be happy for some peace and quiet. I'm sure they will Don't have to listen to that. Oh shit, love God. Thank God for that. We've got away with it. Great, they're gonna give us peace and quiet this week. Yeah, thank you. Right, you gorgeous thought. You have the most amazing day and we will speak to you soon. Bye.