Grief, Speaking from the Heart, and the Gentle Art of Taking Each Day at Time

How do you navigate the turbulent waves of grief while holding onto the lifeboat of self-care? This week, we recount a deeply emotional journey of loss and the gentle steps taken to find a new normal. By sharing personal stories, we emphasize the disorienting nature of grief and the importance of allowing oneself the time to heal. We focus on the critical role of family support and the necessity of small, manageable steps that can lead to regaining a sense of normalcy.

Ever felt the overwhelming pressure of self-doubt or been paralyzed by anxiety? We dive into a powerful segment where we explore a heartfelt moment of triumph over these very emotions. Join us as we share an inspiring story about delivering a speech in church despite intense anxiety and self-doubt. This pivotal moment not only highlights the significance of self-talk and mindfulness but also illustrates how personal growth often arises from facing and overcoming life's toughest challenges.

What if the key to happiness lies in living in the present moment and following your dreams with patience and alignment? We explore the wisdom in balancing planning with letting life unfold naturally, reducing the stress of constant striving. By reflecting on the difference between chasing dreams and following them, we uncover the profound impact of embracing the universe's path. This episode leaves you with thought-provoking insights on how attunement to the present can lead to greater mental and emotional well-being, inviting you to ponder these lessons over the weekend.

Chapters

• 0:00 Lessons Learned From Loss and Recovery
• 13:59 Acceptance and Self-Growth After Loss
• 30:08 Embracing Present Moment Living
• 35:19 Follow Your Dreams, Not Chase Them

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:43

Hello, hello, hello hello hello, hello, hello. I'll be thee.

Speaker 2: 0:46

All right, good, it feels like a long time.

Speaker 1: 0:50

Do you know what? I thought? Exactly that.

Speaker 2: 0:54

I don't know whether it's because we have been a whole two weeks recording it or it just feels.

Speaker 1: 1:01

Yeah, or it's just been a long month. Let's be perfectly honest. It has been a little bit of a long month. It's been a freaking long month, but I also thought exactly the same did you?

Speaker 2: 1:14

yeah, that's weird, isn't it.

Speaker 1: 1:15

I thought, oh my god, it seems ages since we've sat and done a yeah podcast it feels like ages since we've sat and done anything in all honesty to be honest, it has been in it. You know.

Speaker 2: 1:27

Truthfully, I think it has been on it really yeah, yeah, it's been really weird and it's probably gonna be a month since we've actually sat and done any work since I've done any work. You've been doing loads. Let's get this into perspective here. Don't dish yourself because you've done freaking loads and I've done.

Speaker 1: 1:50

Fuck all we've kind of had other things on your mind. To be perfectly honest, let's be frank here. It's not like you've been sitting and dotting with your feet up, is it no? No, I wish yeah, it just feels like you say just like ages, since we've like come together and thought, right, we're gonna have a chat and we're gonna it does, don't it?

Speaker 2: 2:14

it's a good way to start the month, I think, because it's a month to unfold, and yes all sorts.

Speaker 2: 2:23

I was thinking that today I was like, like need to, just I feel like I've been so off track yeah that need to sort of just get gently back on track and but not to and I think this is lesson learned what we were talking about the other day and it like I'm not going to just jump right back in, it's just like small steps, one day at a time. See what it brings. If I can't do it that day, I'll leave it to the next.

Speaker 1: 2:58

I think that's the way you have to go, and I've never been like that Ever.

Speaker 2: 3:03

I've always been just right jump back in, but you can't.

Speaker 1: 3:10

No, you can't, and I think I think like you say, isn't it? If anything's taught you anything over the past month, you? It just makes you realize that you can't do that no, I was.

Speaker 2: 3:20

Yeah, I feel like it's been a lot of lessons to be honest, you're right yeah, if anybody doesn't know, we might be. We might be sat there thinking what the hell are they talking about? If anybody doesn't know, I lost my mum, so it's been like the beginning of July, so it's been.

Speaker 1: 3:38

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 3:38

It's been a journey.

Speaker 1: 3:40

July was a bit of a full on month.

Speaker 2: 3:42

It was a bit.

Speaker 1: 3:44

Wasn't it really yes? Yes wasn't it really?

Speaker 2: 3:55

yes, yes, full of very, very low points and, yes, some high points and just everything in between. Yeah, and when I think, when I said that, then I didn't realize, like it's been nearly a month, yes, but actually there was a whole two weeks run up, yes, where mum got poorly and then two weeks run up, yes, where mum got poorly and then that whole, essentially two weeks of it's been six weeks, hasn't it?

Speaker 1: 4:15

yeah, actually yeah, if you think like when that process started yeah, yeah, wow so like you say that, if you, that's a long time yeah, it is you don't kind of realize how long no when you're in it, do you? Because you're? You're going through the motions every day of oh I need to do this, I need to do that, right, you know? You're not really aware of no of time scale. I don't think no, it's, it's.

Speaker 2: 4:39

It's almost quite surreal really, and you know, you've been through it haven't you you know, yeah, it is like you're in.

Speaker 1: 4:46

It is almost feels like you're in a different world. It does. It feels like you've kind of stepped off and you're in this whole another world where you're just going through the motions and you're not really aware of what's going on around you, or anything else, you get very um almost like disorientated by it all to be honest, very much so, yeah you've got sort of like.

Speaker 2: 5:09

It's really strange, isn't it? Because you've got like this, this focus yeah because there are things that need to be done yeah, from various different angles, but at the same time, you are very disorientated with it all.

Speaker 1: 5:25

Yeah, it's a really odd feeling.

Speaker 2: 5:28

Yeah, it is.

Speaker 1: 5:30

Really odd feeling.

Speaker 2: 5:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 5:33

Yeah, because, like you say, you're not really sure what's going on.

Speaker 2: 5:37

No.

Speaker 1: 5:38

In general terms and, to be honest, most of the time you haven't even got the capacity to think about what's going on other than what you're having to do you know what?

Speaker 2: 5:48

that is one thing that I've really gone with and I've and I've I've never done that before and I've really just sort of gone with it and gone. Do you know what I feel? My brain, my body feels absolutely exhausted and it's like that's okay.

Speaker 1: 6:12

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:12

I am not gonna push it.

Speaker 1: 6:15

No.

Speaker 2: 6:15

You know there's things I've had to do sort of thing, but even now I've been really like careful with myself and I've never done that before and that is thanks to just doing this. It's like I need to look after myself and I'm going to look after myself, and that's okay. And yeah, you know there's the that's a whole joint thing with. As a family. I think we've looked after each other and there are times when you know somebody's needed it a bit more than me, but that, but that's okay. It's like I've been very careful to go. That's fine.

Speaker 2: 6:53

I've done that today, but tomorrow I'm gonna do that and I'm gonna just step back, sit back, sit on my ass if I needed to, or just yeah, yeah, and I've never done that so that's been a good point for you to look back on that how, how well you've treated yourself over the past six weeks in, and you know what that all started when I was sat with mum yeah because there was days I sat with her for hours, all day some days, and because she was in like a home and sometimes like they'd come in and go.

Speaker 2: 7:35

Oh, you can put the telly on or if you want to, do you know what, it was just nice, just sat.

Speaker 1: 7:41

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 7:42

And just had the window open and just listening, listening, just watching and listening to to nothing. And that's sort of where it started and where I thought I need to do this just having that, that moment, that that almost like that present moment of just being aware of that, yeah, I don't think it's something we do, is it? No.

Speaker 1: 8:11

We don't. You know, there is that saying, isn't it? The present is the only thing we've got. The past is the past and we don't know what the future holds the present. But often we don't tap into that, do we?

Speaker 2: 8:23

We don't, and it's a very lovely place to just sit, and those hours didn't seem like hours at all. It was just like it was a moment and it was just like it's just nice.

Speaker 1: 8:38

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:39

It's just nice just focusing on like there were some days where it was really quite windy and just watching like the leaves and it's almost like I got to a stage where it's like I can hear them.

Speaker 1: 8:50

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:51

It made me really aware of how your other senses really come forward when you just do that when you're just present in that particular moment yeah, when you really sit in it. Because? Because it made me realize that when I've sat there before thinking, yeah, I'm present, I'm having a present moment, I'm, but I wasn't no because I was still in like a thinking, thinking well I'm, I'm sat here being present, but I wasn't yeah whereas I think that the tiredness in a way helps yeah that you just haven't got the energy to do or think of anything, so you don't no and you realize actually oh, I was, I've never done this, I've never sort of sat this far down as such yeah and it's.

Speaker 1: 9:45

It's a a very different place I think it is, isn't it from the place that we think that we're at?

Speaker 2: 9:53

yeah, I think it's.

Speaker 1: 9:54

It's too and, like you say, not having the capacity or thinking of, to be able to think of anything else or the energy to think of anything else you've got.

Speaker 2: 10:03

No, like you say, your brain switches off because it hasn't got the capacity, so you're in that it's like you have to really give into it. Yeah, don't you, but I don't think we do do we know we don't give in to being no, we think we do.

Speaker 1: 10:20

We think we are, but we're not like you say. We're not thinking about nothing else other than that moment and what you can hear outside, what you can see.

Speaker 2: 10:29

Yeah, yeah, it's too, yeah, yeah it was quite incredible and yeah, and that's how it really started and thought I've really got to do this more because I wasn't doing it even though you think, oh, I'm going to give myself a little bit of time out. It made me realize that I was I've've. I've not been doing that I've, I've just. It's like I've been pretending to. I thought I was, but I've just been pretending to.

Speaker 1: 11:04

Because your head's off here, there and everywhere else.

Speaker 2: 11:06

Yeah, yeah, and it is so important.

Speaker 1: 11:10

And it is, and, like you say, you know, and, and for people that, like you say, don't do the whole meditation, that's a meditative state.

Speaker 2: 11:19

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:21

You don't have to sit there with your eyes closed, did it? No, that's just. Don't think about anything else. Yeah, just like you say, find a focal point.

Speaker 2: 11:30

And that's what I was doing. I was. I was because out out of mum's window you could see the trees and I was just watching the trees and and quite a few days it was quite blown just watching those leaves. And then one day it was like oh, it's like I can hear them yeah because everything else was getting heightened, because I wasn't off. You know, my mind was just totally there, not off somewhere else, and then your mind tends not to wander either.

Speaker 1: 11:57

No, yes, real lessons so this is it, isn't it like you say? That's, that's a meditative state yeah that puts you in a state of that nervous system coming down that and bringing in that, that relaxation and that that you know numbing down of those heightened yeah, nervous responses that you're having during a time like that yeah it's a chance to bring that down and it also made me very aware of, like, my breathing.

Speaker 2: 12:27

yeah, because I know from like, from doing all this, your breathing is so important and your breathing is so important to that calmness, not just the calmness of your body, but when my mind was racing and doing overtime and and then you go stop, just stop. I have no control over any of this, so just stop. And and and I've given myself a lot of talking to of these past few weeks- see, this is, this is having the knowledge and being able to put it into practice it's made such a difference.

Speaker 2: 13:12

Such a difference, and I mean like, as you know, like I wanted to read my mum's eulogy in church.

Speaker 1: 13:17

Oh, don't get me fucking started.

Speaker 2: 13:20

And that I mean for the, I would probably say the three day, well more than the three days, but the three, the three days. Right before her funeral, I was really, really like and she didn't say a freaking thing to me.

Speaker 1: 13:36

Not a thing did she say to me?

Speaker 2: 13:39

no, but it was something I, in a way, it was something I had to work through myself on. That completely get that, because it was like it was something I really wanted to do. It was terrifying me, but I was like I needed to do it, but I sat with it so many times. Just just stop it. Why are you feet make it? Because I was making myself feel anxious, because there was, there was no reason. Yeah, all right, I was going to stand up in church, but what's the, what's the worst that could happen? I used that phrase a lot. Thank you, poor cope. But you really, because you realize, like my, my chest was getting tight and like at night you couldn't sleep and I was like, what are you doing? Because it's only your head that is doing this, that that's all yeah, and you did an incredible job.

Speaker 2: 14:43

I was so like chuffed that I did it. It meant the world to me that I did it you did a beautiful job, an absolute beautiful job.

Speaker 1: 14:53

I couldn't take my eyes off you. Oh bless you, I couldn't. I was having to rein it in for me because I was just feeling it all. So I was having to really get control and grip of myself. But you didn't falter once you read beautifully, slowly. There were lots of smiles and giggles in there, just because obviously you know that's your family and that's your mum and you just read it.

Speaker 2: 15:23

And that's really nice to hear, because I wanted to read it as if I wasn't reading it, Because a lot of it was my mum's words that she'd already written years and years ago and I just sort of filled it in. I didn't want to just read it. And I know in the past, like when I've read things I tend to just do really quickly because I'm sort of like nervous and that, but I mean we had done a blooming course hadn't we.

Speaker 2: 15:52

And I kept thinking of that Just take it slowly, just feel into it.

Speaker 1: 15:58

And you did that.

Speaker 2: 16:00

And it was amazing.

Speaker 1: 16:02

It was amazing. You were absolutely amazing. Oh, you were, seriously, I think you were. I wanted to like get out of that pew and like come and hug you and go. Oh my god, you were fucking brilliant, which is not appropriate in the middle of a few. But yeah, incredible, incredible. So just again in it. What that mind could do, like you say that, all that self-talk beforehand and just thinking what? No, actually, and and it's so right like what?

Speaker 2: 16:31

what was the worst if I couldn't have done it? What, what?

Speaker 1: 16:35

was the worst. Nobody was gonna hold you ransom if you couldn't do that, that not. There would not have been one person in that place that would have gone. Oh, that was a bit crap. She didn't read it all, not one but do you know what?

Speaker 2: 16:52

the one thing that kept me going like talking to myself, like previously, was like do you know what, if I can stand up there and do that, I can stand up there in front of anybody yes, you can and talk and and I am so gonna take that with me amazing on the times when I'm doing something, thinking shit, I can't do this.

Speaker 1: 17:14

It's like, yes, you can because because you did that you did that, and it worst possible time anybody could do any of either to talk in front of somebody it felt like it was like my mum's taught me a lot, you know, and it felt like that was like like the last lesson, sort of.

Speaker 2: 17:32

Thing it won't be the last lesson. I'm sure there's more in there that will ping up in places, but yeah, yeah and it is's. It is all in our minds, cause I knew like I was getting hit up and it was like I am doing this, I am creating this feeling with my thoughts and it's like stop it.

Speaker 1: 17:55

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 17:56

Just stop it. What are you doing?

Speaker 1: 17:58

And that's the thing in it Thoughts create feelings.

Speaker 2: 18:00

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 18:01

It's not feelings creating thoughts? Is it thoughts create feelings?

Speaker 2: 18:04

Yeah, it's not feelings creating thoughts, is it Thoughts create feelings? And it is, it's so, true. So true.

Speaker 1: 18:08

So thoughts create feelings, feelings create our behaviours. Yeah, yeah, it all starts from that fucking inner bitch it is. It starts with her bullshit all the time, isn't it Do?

Speaker 2: 18:20

you know what?

Speaker 1: 18:31

I hadn't thought about that. Do you know?

Speaker 2: 18:32

what one up? Yeah, middle finger in the middle finger, I go fuck you up yours bitch, you didn't stop me, so she's now currently sulking in a corner somewhere absolutely and that's where she could stay yeah, absolutely well, yeah, it's just amazing, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 18:49

and and I just love how you've been able to look back on that the past six weeks and how very differently you've dealt with stuff compared to how you would have done if this was, say, six years ago.

Speaker 2: 19:02

And stuff like that. Yeah, and I think without this it would have almost been six weeks that would have been gone in a flash, that I wouldn't have been aware. You know, and we talk about awareness that I almost would have missed because I wouldn't have been aware of those moments, because I hadn't sat with them, but because I'd sat with them, like we, you know, we talk about, don't we notice, accept and let it pass. And it's like doing that has made a huge difference to my self-care. It's made a huge difference in my acceptance with the whole situation, the whole process, and it's allowed me to process it. And you know, I know there's a there'll be lots of bits of that, and does that ever end?

Speaker 2: 19:59

no, it doesn't you know really, no, it doesn't, and I know that from losing my brother. But you become okay with it, I suppose, is the word, isn't it? You know I?

Speaker 1: 20:11

think it is. I think you just learn to live with it in the way you learn to live with it. Yeah, I, and I think that's all that process is yeah, is you, yeah, is you just, it changes you because it does.

Speaker 2: 20:26

It does.

Speaker 1: 20:26

It can't do anything, but no, and again, like you say, you learn from that and then you just learn to live with it?

Speaker 2: 20:33

Yeah, but like you said then, but it changes you, but it's up to you how it changes you most definitely. And, and that again is about those, those thoughts, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 20:46

definitely oh gosh, yeah, I mean yeah, you can swing either way with that easily. You know. For me, on a personal note, if you know, both times I've lost a parent. It's been a massive, I've been a massive change for me that I've gone fuck it, I'm not doing what I is, I'm doing now and off I go and I go off and I go and do something else yeah so for me it's it's definitely been pivotal points of where my life has changed yeah um, yeah, and I wouldn't have been sat here now if it wasn't for the both of them yeah, yeah

Speaker 2: 21:22

because you know I wouldn't be the person that I am now but then you've got to give yourself credit for that, because you could have swung the other way oh god, and got bitter and twisted, got angry. You know, there is that option, isn't there?

Speaker 1: 21:37

and I think, even in that process of getting there, you still get bitter and twisted and angry because you know, yeah, it's just that, whether you stay there, you still get better, and twisted and angry because you know, yeah, it's just that, whether you stay there or not, oh yeah, definitely you know.

Speaker 2: 21:48

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:48

Cause I I you know I've definitely been angry at the pair of them.

Speaker 2: 21:51

Oh God yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:52

You know cause you do. That's all part of that, that process.

Speaker 2: 21:56

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 21:58

Um, say it's whether you choose to stay there or not, really yeah so, yeah, it is, and it is, like you say, just learning to live with that.

Speaker 2: 22:07

Yeah, yeah, but amazing, amazing that in that six weeks, in that time, you can see I have to give some credit here, some big, big credit here to somebody who's also allowed me to do that on a work thing where I have not had to even think about our work because she has just taken over and done it. So let's, let's just pour her with a little bit of credit here that she's gonna hate. Yeah, I am.

Speaker 1: 22:39

I'm currently like wheeling in my chair now currently going shut the fuck up because she's got to. Yeah, I am.

Speaker 2: 22:42

I'm currently like reeling in my chair now currently going shut the fuck up because she's got to learn to take credit where credit is bloody due but for me, in my head, that's just something I would do.

Speaker 1: 22:53

Naturally, I just yeah, but that's because you're lovely, but give yourself credit for that yeah, but I just you know, my aim was to be the friend that I would want for me in that situation oh my god, you were that, and absolutely so you know more that that wasn't even I did. It didn't even cross my mind.

Speaker 2: 23:17

Not even, not once did it not cross my mind not to do that well, it made a huge lot of difference because it was part of something that I didn't have to think about, worry about and think, oh, I should be doing that and I'm not doing that, and and and you allowed me not to have that in my bucket as well yeah, because that's the last thing you need in your bucket.

Speaker 1: 23:40

Do you know what I mean? You got enough shit going into your bucket. Do you know what I mean? That's overpiling with shit you don't need. You don't need another dollop from my end as well going. Oh, I know you haven't done your facebook post for this week, yeah, but you could have done see, for me it's not even thought about.

Speaker 1: 24:00

Why would I even think about that? It's just a given. You just do it, you don't even go on see you later, don't even have to think about it I know, but you've like done a lot, an awful lot, which means a lot that's for me. That's not even just take the credit girl come on accept this.

Speaker 1: 24:19

I'll take it, thank you, it's appreciated. It's appreciated, but like you say it's. I think this you know, and for me, on a personal level, watching you go through it has been quite reflective. And for me do you know what I mean and how I did things very differently because I didn't know this stuff when I I know it does make a huge difference honestly, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 24:49

I mean, yeah, I mean I went through it years ago with my brother and it and it was totally different, and I can remember being even really like we were saying just like really angry and and really angry that the world was going back to normal and yeah, and and like people's lives, you know, because it does, life goes on and like, but my life had changed and god, I was really angry that and that's not a good place to be, is it?

Speaker 1: 25:19

no, this is it. Like you say, I can remember that feeling too yeah, you know you're angry. You see everybody else out in the world and you're like you go through your head why, do you not know what I'm going through?

Speaker 2: 25:29

how do you?

Speaker 1: 25:29

know how bad and shitty my life is? Do you know what I'm going?

Speaker 2: 25:32

yeah, you do, though, don't you? Yeah, it's crazy, yeah, absolutely crazy, but we do, and I've heard a lot of people say that really yeah, yeah, that that's how they felt, because, because life goes on but it does, doesn't it?

Speaker 1: 25:51

yeah that's the and that's the thing, isn't it? Life goes on yeah, it does you know the reality is it does but the reality is like you say, isn't it? You know, the reality is the day after your mum passed. That was in the past. Yeah, that was absolutely. Do you know what I mean? And again in it, like you say, it's how far you take that forward with you yeah, we, we, we really do need to.

Speaker 2: 26:22

I don't know what the word is. I take that responsibility, don't we?

Speaker 1: 26:27

and also I think and I think it's a big thing that you know, it's that acceptance that death is a part of life is that it's the only thing you can guarantee in this life.

Speaker 2: 26:41

Yeah, but, once you're born at some point, yeah you will die, just can't guarantee when you can't guarantee when and that's exactly why we should just live each day in the moment oh, we.

Speaker 1: 26:53

So should, shouldn't we? But we don't again we're always projecting to the forward. We're always projecting forward or we're thinking about what went on in the past and how that's affected us now bad, that's made our lives, but there's no just being. There's no being we are here. We're alive in this moment, we're breathing in this moment, we're being able to live our lives in this moment. Yeah, but there isn't, you know, and I think that that that's the thing, isn't it? But, actually by doing that, I don't know life seems more fulfilling and easier.

Speaker 2: 27:31

Yeah, I must admit like even at this time, really early days, I feel really at peace with just these few weeks. That's amazing and you know, and I've, I've done what I I feel I needed personally to do, and also given myself some time, and I don't know whether you heard that, but it's a pinging noise on my computer that made me, made us both jump.

Speaker 1: 28:11

That was funny forgot what I was saying now you said you've been at like peace with how things have gone and how you've been yeah, and just Been at like peace with how things have gone and how you've been.

Speaker 2: 28:28

Yeah, and just in that space to know that I need to give myself just just time and space and that's irrelevant of what's going on around me as such, and I don't have to make a big like song and dance about that but it's just like you know what I am.

Speaker 2: 28:45

I'm just gonna take things slow. And it was even today, because I went back to work, to work today and I rode my bike this morning and then I came home for lunch because I only worked like four minutes away and then I thought you know, I'm going to walk back, I don't want to ride my bike back, because to ride my bike I'm like there yeah and I thought, no, I'm going to walk back, because that's then a longer amount of time, and just to like then when I finish work, it's like that, just that stroll home.

Speaker 1: 29:20

Okay. And I thought yeah, no, I'm just going to stroll it so just that nice bit of like decompression time to go, yeah, okay.

Speaker 2: 29:32

And then I came home and I was going to start tea and then I thought, no, I'm gonna go sit in my shed.

Speaker 1: 29:39

Yes, she's got a man cave she shed, she shed, yeah.

Speaker 2: 29:49

So I put the garden chairs in there, because it's not finished yet. It's just a show at the moment and I just sat in my shed and I thought do you know what tea can wait?

Speaker 1: 29:59

yeah.

Speaker 2: 30:00

I'll do it in a minute. I'm just going to sit here first. Good for you, yeah.

Speaker 1: 30:07

I'm liking this.

Speaker 2: 30:08

So I'm not doing. I'm not doing anything at speed this month good, but that's the way it should be.

Speaker 1: 30:15

I think we should live our lives taking each day as it comes. Yeah, shouldn't we really yeah?

Speaker 2: 30:22

absolutely.

Speaker 1: 30:25

I think that should be a given generally full stop.

Speaker 2: 30:28

Yeah, yeah, I'm definitely going to do more of it, because I do tend to be a bit of a planner.

Speaker 1: 30:40

And it's less like. I don't think there's anything wrong with planning. I just think it's when we get and I'm one for doing that because I'm a definite striver that is when you get stuck in that planning yes because I think you can plan things and go. I want to do that, that, that and that, but then just leave it.

Speaker 2: 30:55

Yeah, if that changes, that's okay.

Speaker 1: 30:58

Yeah, and just let it naturally unfold.

Speaker 2: 31:02

Yes, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 31:05

And for me that's definitely a one. I don't know. We're going to do this by this date. We're going to do that. You know I drive you fucking insane with it. Never said that she buy this dick. We're gonna do that. You know I drive you fucking insane with it.

Speaker 1: 31:24

Never said that to see that look, I get sometimes um, but, like you say, whereas well, actually it that's not helping, is it? I just think no, I did um a bit of a ritual today it's. It was lamas yesterday, which is um, so it's a cross-court, a festival, um, and so it was a bit about reflecting on has your year gone on? What you'd planned? So in mulk at the beginning of february is where you were like setting intentions for okay, during the summer, and so at this point it was a bit of reflective have you achieved or have things started to come together as how you that had planned, and all this, that and the other, and and for some, for me, some things haven't, but actually those lessons were that? Actually that wasn't meant to be a at that time and be in that way and also see, I think with that as well, have they?

Speaker 2: 32:15

sometimes we think they haven't, but, like you were saying, just that you've come this far and you've learned things from that. So that's a that's a long way forward which actually will accelerate yes where you're going. In the long run, it might not feel like you've got to that point when you thought you were going to get to that point.

Speaker 2: 32:40

But actually in the long term you'll get to that point quicker because you would have learned lessons and you've, and you've just let that roll yes, because most definitely whatever you know, whatever people call it, you know, I call it the universe yeah the universe has a path yes and sometimes we step off the path and sometimes we take a diversion, but it's got us on a path that that's the thing, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 33:12

and I think, like you say, I just and over the conversations we've had and a couple of conversations we've had with paul recently, is that it's going to do what it's going to do, yeah, and it will put obstacles in the way, because you're clearly not ready for that yeah it's. You're not doing it the right way, you really?

Speaker 1: 33:32

not the right time the right time, all that kind of thing. And actually, like you say, looking back on that, you're like okay, and and now, normally for me, or in the past, I would have been oh, you know, I've not done that, not achieved what I should have done. Then I'm strive, strive, strive, strive over. Actually I'm like okay, well, that's just wasn't meant to be when it was meant to be yeah so actually the whole acceptance again, isn't it?

Speaker 1: 34:00

yeah, it is, isn't it? Okay, that's fine. It's not the end of the world, no, what's the worst that can happen. Well, exactly that's it, isn't it, like you say?

Speaker 2: 34:10

notice we have a new saying, that's what we're gonna.

Speaker 1: 34:12

That's our new thing. What's the worst gonna happen? But it is, isn't it what is the worst that can happen?

Speaker 2: 34:19

we put so much pressure on ourselves. It is crazy and like how we started this conversation when you put pressure on yourselves, you don't see the things that need to be seen or you don't hear the things that need to be heard. Because we're under that pressure, we're striving and it's like you're never going to get there because you're not going to hear and see the things that you need to.

Speaker 1: 34:46

And the act of striving means that you're not mentally and emotionally happy with where you are. Yeah, because you're striving, you're thinking ahead. Oh, that will be good when I done that. So you're striving ahead yeah, so you're not living presently, are you? No, no you're, you're looking ahead, so therefore you're not being present and you're not being happy with this is how it is at this moment.

Speaker 2: 35:19

Yeah, I always think that with the difference between chase your dreams and follow your dreams, because when you chase them they're always running away. But when you follow them there's no time, you're just following your path. Oh, that's my philosophy for the day.

Speaker 1: 35:37

That's a profound bit to end on, isn't it? I think we need to end it there.

Speaker 2: 35:41

I think that's yeah that's profound don't chase them, follow them follow your dreams.

Speaker 1: 35:47

Yeah, and on that note, folks, we're going to leave you to it. I don't think there's anything else to be said after that have a great rest of the weekend see you later.

Speaker 2: 35:56

Talligators bye.